Daily Laugh: Collection of short jokes

A french fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hay , could I get a beer please"
The barthened looks at him shacking his head and say "No, we don't serve food here"

***

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.

***

Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"

***

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

***

A: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
B: Ok
A: A white horse fell in the mud.

***

Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.

***

A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"

***

Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Man: I offer you myself.
Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.
Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let's start from your bank account.

***

A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

***

Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?"
Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?

***

Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
Doctor: Next please!

***

Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.

***

My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"

***

A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."

***

Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.

***

Why do we park our car in the driveway and drive our car on the parkway?

***

"Do you know what really amazes me about you?"
"No. What?"
"Oops. Sorry. I was thinking about someone else!"

***

You can use this joke to explain that insulting someone is considered funny especially when that person is fishing for a compliment.
Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?
Peter: I think you're pretty ugly.

***

1. Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw?
2. Did you hear about the deaf sheepherder who gathered his flock and heard?

***

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you so much! (I love you so much.

***

Customer: Waiter, waiter! There is a frog in my soup!!!
Waiter: Sorry, sir. The fly is on vacation.


/FunShun/